Simple scripts and practical tips to make school-support conversations more collaborative.

Talking to your child’s teacher about learning or developmental needs can feel intimidating.

You may have questions about accommodations.

You may be wondering whether your child is making progress.

You may feel that something in the classroom isn’t working — but you’re not sure how to bring it up.

And when the conversation involves an IEP (Individualized Education Program), there can be even more information, terminology and emotions to navigate.

The good news?

You don’t have to know every educational term before you speak up.

You know your child.

And your observations are an important part of the conversation.

Before the meeting: prepare your thoughts

Before speaking with the teacher or school team, write down the things that matter most to you.

Think about:

• What is going well?
• What is difficult?
• What changes have you noticed?
• What does your child enjoy?
• Where does your child need more support?
• Which accommodations seem helpful?
• What are your biggest questions?

You don’t need a huge list.

Three to five priorities may be enough.

Preparing your questions in advance can make it easier to stay focused during the meeting. (Understood)

Start with collaboration

A conversation doesn’t have to begin with a complaint.

Try:

“Thank you for taking the time to speak with me. I’d like us to work together to make sure we’re supporting [child’s name] as well as we can.”

This establishes a shared goal:

Your child’s wellbeing and progress.

Share what you see at home

Teachers see your child in a different environment than you do.

You might notice things at home that aren’t immediately obvious at school.

For example:

“I’ve noticed that my child becomes frustrated when there are several instructions at once.”

Or:

“Homework goes much better when we break it into smaller steps.”

Specific observations are much more useful than simply saying:

“My child is struggling.”

Try to explain what happens, when it happens and what seems to help.

Ask what the teacher is seeing

Make the conversation two-way.

Try questions like:

“How is my child managing during independent work?”

“Are there particular times of day that seem harder?”

“What strategies have been helpful in the classroom?”

“How is my child progressing toward their goals?”

“Are there situations where you notice them becoming frustrated?”

Specific questions can help you understand what’s happening at school and identify patterns you might not see at home. (Understood)

Simple scripts you can use

Sometimes the hardest part is knowing what to say.

Here are a few phrases you can keep handy.

When you’re concerned

“I’ve noticed that [child] is having difficulty with ____. I’d like to understand what you’re seeing at school.”

When you don’t understand something

“Could you explain that in simpler terms? I want to make sure I understand what you’re recommending.”

You don’t need to feel embarrassed about asking for clarification.

IEP meetings can involve unfamiliar terminology, and asking questions is an important part of being involved. (Understood)

When you want more information

“Could you give me an example of what this looks like in the classroom?”

When an accommodation isn’t working

“We’ve noticed that this support isn’t working as well as we expected. Could we talk about other options?”

When you disagree

You don’t have to make the conversation confrontational.

Try:

“I may be looking at this differently. Can we go through the information together?”

Or:

“Can we talk about what other approaches might support this goal?”

Collaborative language can keep the conversation focused on solutions rather than blame. (Understood)

Talk about strengths, too

It’s easy for meetings about support needs to become a list of difficulties.

Don’t let that be the whole picture.

Tell the teacher:

• What your child loves
• What motivates them
• What they’re good at
• Which subjects they enjoy
• What helps them feel confident
• What makes them feel successful

For example:

“He finds writing difficult, but he loves telling stories.”

That information can be incredibly valuable.

A child’s interests can sometimes provide clues about ways to make learning more engaging.

Ask practical questions about the IEP

You don’t have to leave the meeting knowing everything.

But you should understand what happens next.

Consider asking:

About goals

“What are the main goals we’re working toward?”

About progress

“How will we know whether my child is making progress?”

About accommodations

“What will this accommodation look like during a normal school day?”

About services

“Who will provide this support, and how often?”

About communication

“How should we stay in touch about progress?”

These types of questions can help turn a long document into something you can actually understand and use. (Understood)

Bring your notes

If you’ve collected:

• Teacher emails
• Assessments
• Reports
• Work samples
• Previous IEPs
• Notes about what works at home

bring the relevant information with you.

You don’t need to bring everything.

Bring what helps explain your concerns or shows your child’s progress.

Teachers and other members of the school team may also bring work samples, assessment information and progress data to an IEP meeting. (Understood)

End with clear next steps

Before the meeting ends, make sure you know:

What happens next?

For example:

“So, just to make sure I’ve understood: we’ll try this accommodation for the next few weeks, and then check in again. Is that right?”

You can also ask:

“When should we follow up?”

“Who should I contact if I have a question?”

“How will we measure whether this is helping?”

Clear next steps make it much easier for everyone to stay on the same page.

Remember: you don’t have to do this alone

Advocating for your child can sometimes feel overwhelming.

You may worry about asking too many questions.

You may worry about being perceived as difficult.

You may simply feel unsure about what your child needs.

But asking questions isn’t being difficult.

It’s being involved.

Your child’s teachers bring professional and classroom experience.

You bring something equally important:

knowledge of your child.

The strongest conversations make room for both.

And if you still have concerns after a conversation, you can request another meeting and continue working through the issues with the team. (Understood)

A final reminder

You don’t need the perfect words.

You don’t need to know every acronym.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

Start with:

“I know my child well, and I’d like us to work together to help them succeed.”

That’s a good place to begin.